(NOTE: THIS POST WAS RELEASED EARLY THIS WEEK ON OUR PATREON. IT’S $10/MONTH)
The Brewers are a Big But Team. I’m not just talking about their 1st baseman. A Big But Team is a team of dichotomies. Their park is great, BUT their pitchers are great. Their park is great, BUT their star hitter can’t hit homers. Their prospects are great, BUT Keston Hiura. Their outfield is great, BUT they have too many of them. They’re on the verge of being a great team, BUT they won’t spend to add one single thing. Their prospect Brice Turang hit 13 homers, stole 34 bags and hit .286 in Triple-A at the age of 22, BUT no one cares for an entire preseason. Brice Turang has 70-grade speed, 50-grade hit tool and power tool, BUT he was being drafted after Michael Brantley, Ken Waldichuk and Austin Nola. Nothing about Brice Turang ever made any sense this preseason, and I kept saying it, BUT even I began to second guess myself because he was such an afterthought. Well, guess what? Chicken BUTT! BUT-BUT-BUT I’m also a moron. Never underestimate that. I’d grab Brice Turang in every league where I needed some power and lots of speed. Any other 23-year-old would be getting his own features everywhere across the fantasy baseball nerdosphere, BUT Turang can’t buy a lede Buy? Get out of here! Stick those Dichotomies up your Buts! Anyway, here’s some more players to Buy or Sell this week in fantasy baseball:
Travis d’Arnaud – I’m not often shocked; I only seem it because of this bad botox. With that said, I am shocked by how much the French Terminator is playing with Sean Murphy there. I guess he wasn’t lying when he said, “Le be back.”
Logan O’Hoppe – If your catcher doesn’t have punctuation in the middle of their name, are they even catching? Get back to me when it’s Jerry Tomat O’Realmuto; Sa l’Perez and Will.I.Am Smith.
Garrett Cooper – This guy is usually good when he’s healthy. “When he’s healthy” is just slightly more than every Leap Year.
Isaac Paredes – *marches around the office with neon bunting* “I love an Isaac!” The parade coach your office brought it in for team spirit stops you and gently says, “It’s ‘I love a Paredes.’”
Dominic Smith – Last year I bet money that Dom Smith would lead the majors in homers, and he hit zero. What you don’t know, I double-or-nothing’d that bet, baby! We so back!
Nolan Gorman – This guy is one of those where I see a lot of enthusiasm in the comments for him, and then look at his full season of projections: 16/2/.235, and, I have to admit, I don’t get it. He’s fine if he’s playing (will he play?) and the Cards do Create-A-Player rather than Build A Bear, but, yeah, I don’t get it.
Luis Rengifo – If you prorate his last year out to 150 games, he went 20/8/.264, which is the same as, say, Kris Bryant projections. Ya know, if Bryant got to 555 plate appearances.
Jorge Mateo – The new rules won’t help everyone, but they will help a few guys way more than others. Mateo is one. So, I should’ve ranked Mateo higher. That was a mistake by me, that I just couldn’t have known completely without seeing how the games would play, and that’s me accepting blame then not accepting blame.
Yoan Moncada – “This is the year, I promise,” he said regarding Moncada, while he had five sets of crossed fingers and five sets of crossed toes.
Elehuris Montero – You know when a song hits on the radio that is so good you pump it all the way up? Then the DJ comes on and says the radio tag line? It wasn’t the song it was a commercial with that song in it. That’s been the Rockies for the last seven years with prospects. “Blast it, homey! Oh crap, it’s a commercial for Coors.”
Jason Vosler – Is he still a hot schmotato alert? Because those sorta things end at the snap of dime.
TJ Friedl – “Friedl, Friedl, Freidl, hit one out of play!” Sorry, that is stuck in my head.
Luke Raley – This guy is either a hot schmotato or the 2nd coming of Joey Meneses, who was also just an extended hot schmotato last year. Oh, Raley? Raley.
David Villar – This preseason Coolwhip gave you his David Villar sleeper, and I was not moved in the least. Couldn’t be any less interested. Yet — again with some stank — YET I’ve been wrong before, and I could be wrong again.
Alec Burleson – Or as a De la Soul would say, “I Be Urle, son,” and he’s got some ramp to roll with Nootbaar getting price checked for two weeks, and O’Neill in the doghouse.
James Outman – His name should be Makesoutsman! Bam! Got him! Ya know, if his name wasn’t already, Pride Week. Can’t have more than one name. Sorry. Outman has great speed and power, and is very interesting if he weren’t prone to hitting .230 and not facing lefties.
Trevor Larnach – Was going to make Larnach this week’s lede Buy, but I decided it was more fun to see if only those truly committed to the Razzball Grindset are on board. To be a Sigma Grindmaster with a Christian Bale in American Psycho-type smile, you have to know I like Larnach a lot without focusing on him in any big way. It’s an offhanded Buy that gets the gears grindsetting. The casuals don’t deserve Larnach.
Ji-Hwan Bae – This was one of my biggest targets in NL-Only and, boy, did I screw that pooch. Just bent over taking the doggie style vs. giving the doggie the doggie style.
Oscar Colas – Just gave you my Oscar Colas fantasy. It was written while shaving my back.
Brian Anderson – Could BA Brokeass rise from the ashes and become BA Breakout? I’d put it at, like, 7% chance, so no, prolly not, but that never stopped me from picking up a hot bat.
Garrett Mitchell – *walking into a hair salon* I have an appointment with Garrett Mitchell. He’s supposed to give me bangs and some steals.
Joey Wiemer – Here’s what I said the other day, “(Urias) will miss two months with a hamstring strain. That makes Milwaukee the Joey Wiemer Republic for the foreseeable future. JWR, as he brands his hamburgers, is “What if the Fantasy Baseball Overlord could make a prospect for 5×5 OBP leagues and nothing else?” He is a 70-grade power and speed guy who could have a .350 OBP and hit .190. The four true outcome player. Prospectonator doesn’t love JWR, but I do, so eat a D, Prospectonator! Here’s what Itch said, “At 6’5” 215 lbs, Joey Wiemer features double-plus power and plus speed, smashing 21 home runs and swiping 31 bases in 127 games across two levels last season. That’s nice and all, but the best thing Wiemer did was cut his strikeout rate from 30.2 percent in 84 games at Double-A to 19.5 percent in 43 games at Double-A. The main issue here, as with the rest of these guys, is where he’ll play and when. Not sure I’ve ever seen a team with this many elite outfield prospects on the cusp of the majors, and I want to cusp Grey in the head.” Okay, not cool, but that is the problem with Wiemer. No idea of his playing time.” And that’s me quoting me and Itch!
Bailey Falter – This is a Streamonator call like the call it makes to the fro-yo shop.
Tanner Houck – This is also a Streamonator call. “How much is two toppings and your metal scale, if your scale wants to accompany me while I’m eating?”
A.J. Minter – Arange Juice Minter could be the closer the rest of the year for the Braves. He likely won’t. But he could. Why could? Because, dude. Shoulder issues don’t always go away, and Raisel has them. By the by, we have a new tool for subscribers — the Relievonator. Rudy spends 99.9% of his time on the tool, and 0.1% on its name. This tool should help you identify usage, which is a large part in saves speculation. Tracks all RP game logs back 14 days; color-coded decisions; inning pitcher started; number of pitches thrown; previous day pitches thrown and inning start; roster percentage; filterable and sortable. Here’s a screenshot from yesterday, after Wednesday’s games (click on image to expand):
Dany Jimenez – An A.J. sandwich, and also the lead for the nine A’s saves this year? P to the erhaps. Could it be Trevor? It May be.
A.J. Puk – Some of the ideas this Alex Jones Puk guy has are crazy, but he might also be the Marlins’ closer. Just ignore the stuff in regards to the water turning frogs gay.
Andrew Chafin – Might be the Dbags’ closer, and Chafin also looks like the personification of jorts chafing, so that has to account for something.
Xander Bogaerts – The other day Under Pressure came on the car radio and I started bawling like a baby thinking about the movie, Aftersun. Such an under-seen, incredible movie. If you take no other advice from me, trade for Jordan Walker, but if you take a 2nd piece of advice, seek out Aftersun. It’s truly one of the best movies of recent years. If you take a third piece of advice, then trade away Xander Bogaerts, while everyone thinks he’s big-time back. Bogaerts had a hot week. He didn’t suddenly go to a worse park and become a 40-homer hitter. He’s not even a 30-homer hitter. I’m doubtful he’s a 25-homer hitter. 20 homers seems high. Don’t make me go back to 15! I wouldn’t trade Bogaerts for a roll in the hay with a scarecrow, but I would explore trade options at our Fantasy Baseball Trade Analyzer.