Yesterday, Reid Detmers went 7 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 12 Ks, ERA at 3.62, as he threw an immaculate inning. Ya know what? There’s a lotta immaculate innings this year. I bet Rob Manfred has them using an immaculate inning ball. Detmers now has two huge starts this year (he no-hit the Rays earlier in the year) built around a rough patch, surrounding a demotion that was tagged “Fixer-upper,” and upper he fixer’d. Since he was recalled from his demotion, he’s been essentially lights-out (24 IP, 3 ER, 31 Ks). There was 9 BBs in those 24 IP, which is still a concern, but he looks like he’s on the standard path of ugly rookie year (last year), up-and-down year two (that’s right now) and next year will be the real breakout. Anyway, here’s what else I saw this weekend in fantasy baseball:
Dylan Cease – 6 IP, 1 ER, 5 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 2.01. “Gerrit Cole, Zack Wheeler, Max Scherzer, Corbin Burnes and other (top pitchers). Next year at this time, it won’t seem out of place when mentioning Dylan Cease in that class.” That’s me quoting me from my Dylan Cease sleeper this past December! He’s allowed four earned runs in his last 12 starts in, just, oh, ya know, 70 IP. Dylan Cease’s ERA over the last 12 starts: 0.51. That seems pretty good. In July, Cease gave up 3 ER in 35 2/3 IP. Call him Dylanius Caesar. His mustache should have its own true crime documentary series on Netflix. Call it Making of A Mustache. He’s not getting by on smoke and mirrors; this is all real, certifiable butter. He be Dealin’ Cease. He’s at once both Big Poppa and Lil’ Cease.
Eloy Jimenez – 1-for-3 and his 5th homer, and was replaced defensively later in the game, which is what I want to believe, but I’m sure I will wake up on Monday to hear Eloy’s hammy was left in the wash too long and tightened up.
Paul Blackburn – 5 IP, 0 ER, 5 baserunners, 4 Ks, ERA at 4.15. If you held onto Blackburn after he got absolutely hosed last time out like an extra at Backdraft: The Ride, then your bravery (nuttiness?) was rewarded.
Ramon Laureano – 2-for-3 and his 11th homer. While rounding the bases, Laureano carried a sign that read, “1-888-Trade-Me.”
Alek Manoah – Said to be feeling better after taking a comebacker off his elbow. I tend to believe him. He’s a big, beefy boy and he can rub some dirt on it and walk it off. Um, you don’t walk on your elbows…He can army crawl it off.
Ross Stripling – 4 1/3 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.6. This was the episode titled, “The One Where Ross Doesn’t Go Five Against A Terrible Team.” Streamonator doesn’t like his next, but I don’t feel as much hatred.
Matt Chapman – 2-for-3, 2 RBIs and his 20th homer, and 4th homer in the last four games, and it was a mere week ago I opined whether Chapman and Olson were really that different, and it’s this week I’m finding out what “opine” means.
Javier Baez – 1-for-3 and his 10th homer. This home run came off Jose Berrios, his brother-in-law, which makes me think it was like when I was in an 0-for-25 slide in Pee-Wee leagues, and my friend, the Stagecoach (not real name), threw me a meatball to bust me out of the slump. Not totally joking either. One of the number one things pitchers have going for them is the ability to make the hitter uncomfortable. If you stepped in the box and knew there was no chance you’d get hit, you’d dig in and not move. Here’s a prime example of that:
— TrueRGM (@TrueRGM) July 31, 2022
Eduardo Rodriguez – Reported to the Tigers’ spring training facility. Hate to be in his family if you have a April-July birthday. Dude thinks it’s March reporting to Spring Training! Eduardo, “What are you doing for Cinco de Mayo?” You, “Ed-Rod, it’s August, bro!”
Chris Martin – Traded to the Dodgers. Now when he sees the celebrities in the front row of Dodger Stadium, he can serenade Jason Bateman with, “Look at the stars, look how they shine for you.” Seems a bit convoluted to make this trade for Chris Martin. The Dodgers could’ve just told Gwyneth Paltrow she was not welcome at games.
James Outman – 3-for-4, 2 runs, 3 RBIs and his 1st major league homer in his 1st major league at-bat. Outman sounds like a misnomer. Unless, of course, his middle name is Hitit.
Kyle Schwarber – 1-for-5 and his 33rd homer, hitting .204. The 61st of June and he’s still going!
Ranger Suarez – 6 IP, 0 ER, 4 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.60. During my Covid-induced brainfog, I had a moment of clarity. Ranger Suarez might not have built off his huge 2nd half last year into this year, but he might just a 2nd half pitcher.
Paul DeJong – 1-for-4 and his third homer, and he homered on Saturday, as he was recalled. Colonel Mustard hitting behind Nootbar’s whole-grain ass, so you know there won’t be any Grey poop-on’ing! Also, what’s good on a schmotato? Mustard!
Andre Pallante – 8 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 8 Ks, ERA at 3.18. Cards don’t have real players — they have figments of their imagination that they conjure into reality. He’s a 6.5-ish K/9, 3 BB/9 poof of make-believe.
Kenley Jansen – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.43. Felt his back twinge on Friday, while simultaneously saying “twinge” like Wayne and Garth, but seems to be fine.
Anthony Rizzo – 2-for-4, 3 RBIs and his 25th homer. HR to the Izzo!
Jordan Montgomery – 4 IP, 4 ER, ERA at 3.69. Welp, he sucks now. He goes to St. Louis next, and I can’t say I have any positive vibes flowing down my Z. Cavariccis that makes me want to start him.
Clay Holmes – 2/3 IP, 3 ER, ERA at 1.77, and the blown save. Should’ve known better than to trust anyone who is a synonym with wigwam. He was so automatic in the first few months, and since, well, sigh. Aroldis hasn’t been much better, though, but the Yankees might make a move.
Salvador Perez – 1-for-5, 3 RBIs and his 13th homer, and 2nd homer since he returned. Sal P.’s playing like he wants to get to 25 homers with only two months left.
Bobby Witt Jr. – Left yesterday game after being hit by another pitch. Are we sure he’s not Craig Biggio Jr.?
Jurickson Profar – 2-for-4, 2 runs and a slam (11) and legs (5). Every year one guy emerges above the fray to reach for the “Deep league guy that is super valuable, but you don’t really want him in shallower leagues” chalice. This year Profar’s looking to take that ornate cup.
Luis Garcia – 1 IP, 0 ER, ERA at 3.23, and the save. Taylor Rogers who? Oh, he was the Padres’ closer, but he was really bad. It’s a figure of speech, Random Italicized Voice. “Taylor Rogers who?” doesn’t sound like a figure of speech. So, the Year of Luis Garcia just got a little more Luis Garcia’ier for Padres saves, but let’s see if the Padres trade for a reliever.
George Kirby – 4 IP, 2 ER, ERA at 3.56. As I kinda said after his last start, he won’t be pitching deep enough to roster. And that’s me paraphrasing me!
Julio Rodriguez – Hit the IL with a swollen wrist after taking a pitch off it. Why can’t we have anything nice? WHY?! Send me a sign, Lord! *lowers head, sees a mural of Jesus Aguilar, looks back up* Any sign whatsoever!
Jarred Kelenic – 0-for-3, 2 Ks. as he was promoted back to the majors. In the minors, he didn’t seem to fix anything. It would be nice if the minor leagues didn’t allow high BABIPs, so hitters had to earn their high, or in Jarred’s case decent (.288), averages. He was striking out nearly 24% of the time in Triple-A, and, well, I looked at him on waivers, and grabbed him in a league or two, but not everywhere. Also, about the Luis Castillo trade from our Youtube channel:
Freddy Peralta – Next appearance will be in the majors. Notice how I said “appearance” and not “start.” Wait a minute, Simon didn’t say notice it! So, it sounds like after you held Peralta for months, he might return as a reliever. Stay tuned. Or not! Your choice.
Aaron Ashby – 4 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 5 unearned runs (ticker shock!), ERA at 4.13. I’m not going to tell Craig Counsell how to hold a bat or how to manage a team, but Ashby should be in the pen and Peralta back in the rotation.
Hunter Renfroe – 4-for-4, 2 RBIs and his 19th homer, and 2nd homer in as many games, and third homer in five games, and basically carrying all my teams in power for the last two weeks. As Scooby Doo would say, “Renfroe!”
Ian Anderson – 6 IP, 0 ER, 1 hit, 1 walk, 9 Ks, ERA at 4.99. Where the living eff was, brief pause for emphasis, that all year?!
Anthony Santander – 3-for-4 and his 19th homer, and his 2nd homer in three games. Dude’s gonna finish with 30 homers and no one will draft him next year.
Sonny Gray – 5 IP, 1 ER, 6 baserunners, 5 Ks, ERA at 3.41. Ya know what’s super annoying that is never mentioned? I have to go to search for injuries every single time a pitcher throws less than 80 pitches, only to find the manager just pulled him early. Going on eBay to buy the world’s smallest violin so I can play it only for myself.
Carlos Carrasco – 7 2/3 IP, 0 ER, 6 baserunners, 7 Ks, ERA at 3.79. Since about the point when he ended June with a 6.37 ERA is about the time when I said you needed to move on. Since then, he’s had 0.90 ERA in 30 IP, and 18 2/3 IP scoreless. Um, oops?
Pablo Lopez – 2 2/3IP, 6 ER, ERA at 3.41. Aw, how cute, he doesn’t want to be traded.
Charles Leblanc – 2-for-4, 2 runs and his 1st major league homer. TBS had scheduled Friends repeats during this game. Kill two birds, I guess. LeBlanc is playing third, would’ve been funnier if they got a monkey. He had a line of 14/6/.302 in 87 Triple-A games, but he’s old and likely a Quad-A player. An NL-Only league hella fella, maybe nothing more.
Josh Lowe – Optioned to the minors. Is this a thing: Everything about the Rays is viewed with rose-colored glasses, so people get excited about guys where you shouldn’t be excited. Therefore, take everything “great said about them” and subtract “a decent chance” and then do the math, which is…”okay, I guess?” Did I forget to carry a “hyperbole?”
David Peralta – Traded to the Rays, where he will become a Hall of Fame-caliber middle reliever. David Peralta is gonna fit right in with the Rays. He’s 34, and he’s only been paid once in his entire career, and that was a 5th outfielder’s salary while he got second outfielder playing time. That park sucks, and the lineup is about as bad in Tampa as Arizona. Overall, went from meh to more meh.
Carlos Rodon – 7 IP, 0 ER, 2 hits, zero walks, 10 Ks, ERA at 3.00. “Welcome to Toronto, Mr. Rodon, may I interest you in a Tim Horton’s?” This is a quote from the future.